thoughts

during this period of holiday at home, besides facing the mess of clearing up my study area, watching tv and sleep, some random thoughts came across my mind.
this year of 2008 has come and is going off so quickly, i cant believe how fast time has passed this year. looking back, i really think that i havent put in real effort for o's. i dont know what kind of results i'll be receiving in mid-jan but i hope it will be good. but my dad said, judging from my prelims results, it is very difficult to achieve good results.i've been constantly disappointing them since sec 3. i've never done well in my exams. how will i be able to get good results during o's? will i? hmm i guess i'll be satisfied enough if i could even land myself in SRJC or YJC. no high expectations from myself, just hope i will be able to do well. but i think i'll be a disappointment to my parents.
many a times, i kept asking myself, how in the world did i land myself in the the first few classes all this year? as i packed my things, looking at all the worksheets, tests i've done, i really dont know what is the problem in me. my results deteriorate from sec1 til sec 4. i felt very ashamed of myself, for unable to produce good and consistent results. what happened to me? why is that my mind cant remember things at all? why i cant do well in exams? i really have no idea how i get my psle results and no one actually believe that i got such results looking at the state i am in right now. yes it is shocking to everyone.
Am i really a failure in everything? in studies, communication, friendship, cca etc etc.

2 more days

2 more days to CI course. I'm scared. i dont know what lies ahead of me, what awaits me to take up the challenges that i've never challenged myself before. will i survive? 20 days. it's gona be a long long trip away from home. i'll miss everyone, no tv shows, no mum's cooking, no comfortable home and bed.
perhaps this is just a challenge God has given me to get out of my comfort zone, to find the real me in myself, to be more confident of myself? but still, i'm still afraid of the course, really. haiz no matter what i say now, i still have to face the reality in 2 days time. the thing that i scared most is scoldings from superiors. im afraid of scoldings and never like them. but after reading samantha's blog, i think it make sense that if we're so afraid, there will be no results, and we will be trapped all the time. Life arent a bed of roses, you try and fall and try again until the right one come along. i think that is the right attitude to face life. may god bless me in everything i do.

first entry

hello blog. this is my first entry. i'm still trying to find out how to change the blog skin. LOLS. haha will update agn soon!