this post will be full of anger, impoliteness, and sometimes vulgar. i suggest if you can't take such, kindly click on the close window button on the top right corner of your screen. thank you.

I HATE THAT BLOODY GEORGE! f off man. you know what happened during pe today, my SG was doing our napfa 5 stations. and wth is i went to do the standing board jump which she was taking. oh well, i started my jump. all she did was to shout beside my ear saying ''FOUL'' i obviously dont know why right. then i did it again. and she shouted that freaking word again and again for 3-4 times!. she only told me my mistake when i took my 3rd or th attempt. basket sia. i was so pissed off that i cried. what's her bloody problem man! do you have to shout like that? you think you're watching some soccer match? huh! huh!!! wtf! you want to shout go somewhere and shout! i'm doing my standard board jump and NOT playing soccer!! wth wtf! basket! why cant you tell me nicely? attitude ah. you call yourself HOD of PE. phew! i doubt your abilities. fierce, uncaring, shout shout shout, unreasonable and attitude! is this the characteristics that a HOD should have? i think you have been trying your best to lick the high heel S of the principal that she was blinded with your goodness to let u be that idoitic hod. the activities that you planned are so lame, so unorganised. you call urself a hod! wth.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO SHOUT OR ATTITUDE AT ME!!! YOU GET IT? I'LL HATE THAT PERSON FOREVER. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!
I'M SUPER PISSED OFF, VERY VERY ANGRY!
Not only that, you insulted my dad. my dad called you to ask you about the camp. and what did you do? you heard a chinese speaking man and u simply flank your phone to another teacher. and when my form teacher asked me to go see you, you insulted by saying 'the one that spoke chinese?' showing me an irritating and attitude face and just walk away. HELLO! i talked to u nicely and this is what you showed me! come on, you are a chinese yet you dont know how to speak chinese! married to some ang-moh? huh. how humilating it will be if you go out, someone talk to you in chinese and you dont know how to reply? throwing our Chinese face? so you think people who speak chinese are not educated? and people who speak english are very good, high class? so what? have you read the news that there more non-chinese people picking up chinese as their second language because they find it useful in jobs and many aspects! you cant even speak chinese and i bet you will get thrash the moment you step into china. or maybe, you dont have to go to the extent. 1 day most of the jobs require chinese language and i bet you cant get a good job either. now i'll see how you're going to laugh and insult my father you freaking idiot! i hate people like you!! you dont deserve my respect at all!

anger is still boiling at the highest peak of my limit! i will not retain myself in jc1 to see your irritating old hag face, attending your lame activities, and asking my friends and i to help you clean up the canteen when we're having pe! cant you get those ppl in the canteen? wth. get lost you idiot! I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER!! THE MOST RUTHLESS TEACHER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

updates

22/05: went back to unit today after school cos school ended early today bcos of the student council investiture. but got make up next wednesday for chem prac. :(
21/05: had mt orals test. still alright but some words dont know how to read. XD overall teacher said still okay. i'm satisfied because i think i've done my best :P
19/05: maths trail briefing
18/05: that teacher never fails to anger me every lesson. he sucks. braces appointment at 430pm so i missed maths lesson. changed my bands to light purple! yay. hmm the doc said the wire at the back of my right molar broke. but he said its okay and replaced a new one for me. haha guessed i was too rough. got back maths test results. i failed. haiz

14/05: CF1 maths test. think i failed again. haiz
13/05: went to watch the girls' floorball team compete against vjc. i dunno why but it saddens me when i saw the girls fought so hard but yet they still lost. i learnt something from that match. i realised that the spirit that sports people have is the team spirit that they have among themselves. such spirits are seldom seen among uniform group people. and i guess ccas really play an important part in shaping us into who we are now. :)
went back to school from cck stadium to attend the school's track and field meet. it was a waste of time. emcees were too soft and the atmosphere didnt resemble a good sports day at all. oh well, what to expect. its yj.

..cant remember..
...
....

i just know that i love the 3 days long weekends.. haha

01/05: surprise birthday party for my beloved aunt! venue: at my house. invited closed relatives and her few best friends. buffet was catered. haha we had lots of fun. another surprise for her was her favourite. Mahjong cake! woots. i guessed it was one of her best and most memorable day of her life! long live aunt!

30/04: maths stats 1 test 3 :(
20/04: Cynthia's birthday (younger sister)
19/04: we held a mini birthday party for her cos she was pestering my mum for it. being the youngest who has the most advantage, had her dream come true. invited few of her friends and my aunt and uncle along who are her god-parents. my sister bought 12 helium balloons for her.. haha see smiles on her face of course! :)
18/04: its NPAP 2009. i went to do some sai kang job. be a traffic marshal. stood from 130pm to 830pm at night. no breaks in between. nor is there food. just plain water and i almost fainted because i only had plain porridge to eat in the early morning due to my braces. sian. got bitten by alot of mosquitoes too. grrr. tired tired.
17/04: missed chem practical to go for dental. went to fixed my braces. oh my. i looked so aweful. i chose red and orange alternate bands. i hate braces totally when i cant eat!! oh my. without food, steph will die. haha.
16/04: maths stats 1 test 2
13/04: its Mariah and Rebecca's birthday
11/04: extract the last 2 teeth. aww! i made noise. haha as usual. steph cant withstand needles and pain.
09/04: its Michelle's birthday. and sec 1 swearing in ceremony cum games day at northbrooks. but OC dont let me go down because i got lessons :( celebrated mariah's and michelle's bday at causeway, swensens(hope i didnt rmb wrongly)
08/04: econs essay test. screwed.
04/04: extract 3 teeth. one baby teeth and 2 adult teeth which one has yet to come out. ouch! lol my gum and part of my mouth was numbed and i didnt realise that blood was flowing down my mouth when i was in the mrt until my mum saw. haha thanked god she went with me. if not blood will be all over my white shirt. so disgusting! haha
03/04: econs retest :S
01/04: econs essay test. screwed up. :E

31/03: Chem redox test. omg another killer paper.
28/03: Area meeting at northbrooks. ehem
27/03: YTSS Speech Day cum School Opening 2009. haha i chiong into school without an invitation card. lol. i was the uninvited one wearing pt kit for such glamorous occasion. opps. but who cares? i got to see the wonderful performances and flying fireworks and of course, MY BUDDIES and FRIENDS! hahhaha. diana ma'am gave me the 'goodie bag' with the books and postcards inside. oops guessed i 'teh' too much. opps sorry.
21/03: PSM's birthday. buffet at her house. :) i had a long time choosing her present because i dont know what to buy for her XD
20/03: Sec 1 training.
19/03: its Samantha's birthday! my great buddy! brought the sec 4s to p.ubin for HRC. its still alright because the weather was pretty fine. and i get to play the IRC and Double Flying Fox! didnt dare to play the HRC. too high. think ill be very embrassed if i got up there and scream and dont dare to do the obstacles. will be so malu in front of cadets. haha woots! erm i screamed while flying down the DFF with the student OC. i cannot dont scream because im scared of heights! haha screaming makes me feel less frightened. i was detached from the belayer(?) by rahimi. haha thanks pal!
18/03: had unit meeting at 8pm.
16/03,17/03: extra maths lesson. yawns~

emo.

today had yjc fun raising activity, known as CVD: celebrating values day.lame. anw my class 111 did clubbing hse. didnt have many ppl at first. i almost fell asleep, but towards the end more and more people came and we get rather busy! which is a good sign as we're earning money!! anw i was kinda bored the whole day cos nobody wanna buy ticket from me. my friends they all got friends to accompany them, while i just walk and see see around by myself. saw melissa h. selling things so went to accompany her. i didnt manage to sell any tickets and didnt buy for myself but in the end, i paid 10 bucks to my class for the eclair and also feel bad ah, been eating the sandwiches while preparing them for sale too. haha typical of me lah. hee.
saw HER today. went wif melissa nicole they all to go find HER but she didnt see me, only saw the 4/8 ppl. so went to talk to afrah instead. then not even 5 minutes i left them w/o even saying hi or bye to her. and she didnt realise too. im kinda sad but oh well, i need to let go.
then saw wen qi, my bunk cum cibtc grp mate, and talked to her for some time until she's gng to leave. and that's the time i went back to clubbing hse. sat, emo for a while then end the session, and cleaned up the place. actually having a class wif many boys is not that bad actually cos they can be of great help at times! great. and i left sch at 630 for home. emo emo on the way. and cos i just get back my 3rd maths reflection and i failed again. in total failed 3 maths reflection. sian la. it's counted for promo. i very scared i retain! how?

let's backtrack a little..
13/03: derrick called me in the morning and asked me to substitute him to be parade commander for friday cos he forgot to bring his tie. basket. i wasnt prepared and i was trembling quite badly. and so i went up and down and i did it. my friends said i did a great job but i hope i did becos they were all in the centre of the parade sq. and i wasnt sure if the ppl at the side could hear. so yeah. damm paiseh cos my voice cant reach very loud those kind. get back my econs reflection test, i just passed only while others are getting nearing to full marks. get back maths reflection 2 today. failed agn. until very badly. super bad. the teacher is like shooting me during lesson can. wth. basket

12/03: had yjc ug club meeting today. was so bored once again. i feel so lonely cos only like 4-5 girls in ug? my friend was talking to zy and so i was left alone. then sat beside derrick when meeting gng to start. didnt talk much. only laugh when the guys crack jokes. :/

then i think nothing much happens already.


* i hate the way you talk to me, the tone you used. i have been trying to get used to it but i cant. i cant! im enduring but you never know it bcos u didnt reflect upon ur actions for that day!
** we werent talking anymore. yes i know im such an irritant, keep irritating you with np stuffs and im sorry abt it. but smt i cant help it but to ask you becos i dunno who to ask already as others dont reply to msgs. ok i make a promise to myself not to ask u so many things.
*** im still doubting my friendships with friends. really. at points of time, i really wonder, do i have a true friend? or people are just taking advantage of me, just showing their good face to me while backstabbing behind my back. i really wonder. it saddens me to see all my other friends have companions with them all the time, waiting for them after school to go home together etc. this is so good. but me? im always going home alone, doing things alone. yes i know i tend to nag alot like an old lady, worry alot over trival matters and sometimes too paraniod, or too over, but that's me, my personality. i've always wanted to be a better person and trying to. but i cant seem to be able to please everyone. tell me, what's wrong with me? tell me.
****i havent been really enjoying school these few months, esp when lessons starts. i really cant catch up with any single subject. im seriously doomed. DOOMED! failing and failing my maths reflctions. how? im afraid of retaining but they all carries high weightage! oh dear. it sucks! Life sucks for me now. i wanna get out of yj asap.
***** everything is needing money now. im seriously brke. how? no one will understand how it feels when you want to save moeny but u have to spend it :(

everything is so UNFAIR! i hate life.

my worries

ytd i had np trainings. only my sec 1s were down with some of the sec 3s taking them. 7 instructors were down ytd. for those who dont know, im in-charge of sec 1s. during my nco days, i seldom scold people or should i say not even once? but ever since i came back, i slowly began to scold and shout at cadets. ytd the sec 1s had alot of scoldings from me esp and other instructors as well. i wondered.. am i too over , am i doing the right thing, will the scoldings ever get into the head of the sec 1s? the cadets last time were very much different compared to the cadets now adays. i prefer the standard way back last time. i tried to use the methods on this batch of sec 1s which our seniors used on us when we were sec 1s but to no avail. they dont get the meaning behind all those commands on them. i got so pissed off, i punished them, i shouted n scolded at them until my voice went off tune, hoarse and my throat hurts til now. nobody knows how much i want my sec 1s to be better, to be good, to be able to have the standards and level of enthusiasm that my squad used to have. although my squad was not as good as my seniors batch, at least we had that bit of standard. sometimes i really dont know what to do to them. i dont know why but they are the ones who are in my mind constantly besides my friends and studies. yes i worry for them, for their health, drills and everything. right now, i dont even know if i should quit my jc cca- air weapons and concentrate on npcc. the thought of not able to go back on fridays make me feel so sour, so weird. i dont like that kind of feeling. sometimes i really dont know what to do when i see the kind of attitude that they have, the standard and enthusiasm that they show. and the ncos and i/cs, not to say im very good or what but im sorry to say that i dont really like how they teach my sec 1s, how they conduct themselves in front of my sec 1s. but what can i do? say them also wont change, not happy. dont say them also cannot. haiz. the younger the generation, the more difficult to teach, to handle. anyone has any idea as to how to handle kids nowadays? im really out of ideas. sometimes i feel like giving up on them but i cant. i dont want them to be like some of the seniors, i dont want other ccas to look down on npcc, i dont want the unit to become lower of standards. they are my main concern for now . how what should i do?

i saw her yesterday. i dont like to see her. everytime i saw her, jealousiness overcame me. i feel so stressed. why is she always achieving awards, good results, getting into a good jc and everything? yes she finally attained the yt pinnacle award that she had always been fighting and dreaming for. she's now satisfied. but i dont understand why God has been so good to her.. for she always get what she wanted.

nostalgia

today is the first day of yj adventure camp for jc1s at bintan, indonesia. oh well, actually wanted to go but i dono what caught me that caused me not to go. i did regretted abit for not going because i had nv once missed a camp til today. also it was also because i'll keep thinking about it. haiz haiz. i wonder how my friends are doing there right now.
i dunno what's up with me these few days. i have become a very un-ethu person ever since i joined yjc. i keep having the 'sian' word at the tip of my mouth. i dunno why. but i dont seem to take everything that's in my hands with pride. i cant catch up with the lectures, my work and etc. [that's probably the reason why i dont want to go camp?] now, i find life so dull. i really miss my days in ytss with 4e7 and my good friends. the feeling of warmth is so comforting. even when you're with people from other classes whom you dont not know. we are just like one big family. but now in yj, i dont get the warmth. my friends are all separate into different classes. they had at least a good buddy that they know from ytss. for me, none except annapoorani whom i arent really close with. i feel so werid in class. that's no one in class that im close to with. well, at least i got yanni and jun ting in the same SG as me. there are nice girls in the class too. so i think it's still not bad. after school, i didnt even get the chance to see my other friends from other classes. all of them had their own stuffs to do.. cca etc. my cca havent start. my cca has only 3 girls and 10 boys. i hope the other 2 girls have not quit and leave me alone. none of my friends is in the same cca as me so im alone again, feeling lost cos i dont know where to go and all. so everyday after school, i'll go home alone cos i dont see any of my friends around. the only time i find joy is during breaks, when yanni and i will go find chia xing and philina if our timing meets. we'll eat lunch and talk and always laughing. i guess that's the only time u see me smile so broadly. i feel so good with them around, esp cx who never leave us out. thanks friend :) oh ya, a place where i can forget my troubles for a moment is when i'm back in ytss to serve. yes, i feel home. perhaps that's the reason why i keep going back despite my anger caused by the juniors? and the other instructors whom never leave me out. oh well, they always laugh at me for my stupid mistakes, which i kinda like it :) land when i'm with my cibtc bunkmates and when im with sam, ain, cx, yan zhen they all in sec 1 til now. they always laugh at me which i dont mind because i found them funny too. and i feel relaxed. OH! i missed them and those times. feeling nostalgic again :(

perhaps i should change my perspective of seeing the world.. but can i do it? i no longer find life as meaningful as before anymore.

YJC orientation

school starts on 2 feb this month. orientation was boring for me. only until the 3rd day it started to get better. some olympiad games and a kidnapper game by my sister's camp company:camp high achievers. cool uh. had amazing race the next day n finale+bbq on friday til 10pm+. overall was alright i guess. my class is CTG 111. a class of 15 boys and 10 girls. im so not used to having more boys than girls in the class. i still dont really like my class and i drag going to schools nowadays. im so lonely n bored sometimes..
i just had a fall out with a friend earlier today cos of some stuffs. i was actually forced to ask her if she wants to come along cos i got scolded by my father bcos of not asking her the other day. i know wad will happen which will results in unhappiness. i was reluctant at first but got scolded again blah blah blah, so asked lor. to at least make him happy? in the end, it spoils the friendship btw me n her. wth. it looks like im the person at fault again. its really difficult to be a good person/friend seriously.
i didnt want friendships problems to happen again in JCs but i still cant avoid it. perhaps i should have gone to other jcs where i dont see so much of the familiar faces? i missed my friends who's now in pjc. over the years, i've been doubting my friendships with ppl. it's hard for me to gain trust of others easily becos of wad happened in the past. im sad, im really sad.some friends look down on me becos of one thing or another, but i had to try to do away with it several times. its hard u know, when ur friends sometimes are too self-centred or never spare a thought for u. they pang-seh or left u out at times. it isnt a great feeling to know wad your group of friends will be doing when you know you arent included, is it? well, perhaps thats life i guess.
2 more years and i'll get out of that hell jc. its totally exactly like yishun town. i like ytss but not yjc. im so sick of it. school building n uniform sucks. CT n classmates are like...? schools ends late, which means you will be too tired to get down to work by the time u get home. time management again. my mind is full of studies and no cca at all. should i join ug club or table tennis or both? but i dont want to be tied down by ccas again. i learnt my lesson in secondary school already. but i heard that testimonial for admission into university is as important as well. haiz. what should i do with so many problems arising?
alright gtg now. there's school tmr again. i hate it. dread going to school. bye for now!

CNY 2009

chinese new year was ages ago but tey im updating at this moment only. today is the 15th day of cny which is also the last day. every year, i looked forward to cny celebration because i get to go back to my grandma's hse in malaysia(maternity side)! i love my grandma and my relatives n cousins!! as there is only 2 public holiday for us, my family decided to stay for one more day since school hasnt started for me n my younger sister's teacher said that it was okay to miss school on wednesday, but my sister went back on the 2nd day of cny because she had school the next day in nus. so she came back to spore with one of my cousin who live near us too as she had work the next day too. cny activities were almost the same for every year but i stll enjoy gng back every year. bcos i love to have many ppl ard during cny celebration. full of happy atmosphere(is there such description?) lol and alot of food to eat. wahahha. but too sad i didnt get to drink lots of cold drink bcos it didnt have the drink that i like. :( and at night, you get to see lots of fireworks and the sound of fire crackers could be heard. woots this year, sadly my cousins didnt manage to buy the better fire crackers so had some of the common ones. didnt play this year cos play many times b4 already. yup, was too engrossed in tv progs that i was too lazy to get my butt of the chair. haha. overall, cny was great, fun n relaxing! my cousins children were all damm cute! wah.. gotta need to wait for next year cny already.. til got a long way to go! haiz.. :(

updates on december and jan

i think my blog is really dead. no updates for 2 months. lol. well, dont have the habit of blogging actually. think i'll just briefly go thru the events i've been to during this 2 months.

DECEMBER:

1-20 dec: CIBTC (cadet inspector basic training course) at Home Team Academy(HTA). im in Squad ALPHA with gerald and other area 2 peeps as well as area 13 n area 16. great squad indeed! i'd lots of fun time with them. w/o them, esp zheng bao and yue ting, i dunno if i can survive that course. thanks alot girls! besides that, very fortunately, im in the same bunk and atc group-griffins! as the 2 of them. my bunk mates are made up of very funny, friendly and helpful girls. we were the noisiest bunk as compared to the rest. always got scolded by the instructors cos we were gossipping n laughing too loudly! haha i missed those times with them. :( 2 weeks of course at HTA and 4d3n of atc at p. ubin with my group cum girls bunk mates. i had a great time with them and my grp instructors tho im not physically fit esp during the land ex activity. but thanks to my girls, who helped me again. they carried my bag, pulled me along and cheered me along. thanks thanks alot girls! really appreciate it :) 20th dec was the day of our appointment as cadet inspector. under 6 months of probation. it was a significant and memorable day for us. all of us were so HIGH! yeah. took lots and lots and lots of photos! i missed my squad instructors, group instructors, squad mates and atc group mates!! ahh


27-29 dec: Sec 2 NCO camp at school. im the squad instructor of Bravo with wen wei. well, camp was alright. the sec 2s (2008) got alot of tekan from the yao hui n shi de sir cos they really very jialat. but guess they're quite okay after the camp. oh one great thing, jing lin and i were being addressed as SIR and you wei was addressed as MA'AM. until now, still got cadets call me SIR. gg lol. camp was super tiring for instructors as well cos first night, mas, jl and i only slept like 5-10 mins then was being awaken by ww for mass gathering. and then realised the sec 2s were being scolded badly by yh n sd. blah blah blah until 4 plus and slept for 1.5 hrs i guess? 1st day come n go. second day wasnt any better. we got scolded for... it came and go. 3rd day, i was so tired that i fell asleep on the table after i went to wake the boys up. thought the others would wake me up but they didnt. so nice of them :) went to cook breakfast.. blah blah blah and something funny happened... and finally it's time to break camp! woots

30th dec: appointment with ttsh ENT. went to see the doctor and realised that i didnt have to go back. so paiseh. went in not even abt 10 plus mins then come out alr. lol malu


JANUARY
5-6th jan: class chalet at aloha changi. not many turned up tho but its okay. we still had lots of fun.many didnt stay becos of work next day. but still appreciate the effort they made to come here all the way. those who stayed for the night, stay up to midnight, some didnt even sleep til early morning. i cldnt take it so i slept. was half asleep actually cos the girls were too noisy shouting n screaming while at the game of monopoly. hahaha. went for prata in the morning. actually wanted to stay for 3d2n but none of us dare to stay cos v. ulu. i left early wif baba n rh cos was called back to sch for a small np meeting.. blah blah

8th jan: went for Griffins outing! but only 6 turned up including one of our 3 instrucotrs. those who came were julitta, our cii, li jing, wen qi, yu tse, janielson n me. went ecp for cycling. yu tse pang seh us half way. cycled for 3 hours until the changi airport there. janielson said changi village very near only so we decided to cycle n cycle til he said i think its very far, lets turn back. lol. but well, i saw planes taking off n landing. cool cool. we had lots of jokes n laughter while cycling. bcos oh lj n J also. haha. cycled back then went for dinner at city hall. lj n J left so we went to meet zheng bao, melvin n pan shin. went to cafe cartel. went to the toilet and realised my butt bleed while cycling. haha no wonder i was so uncomfortable n in pain! so we ate n talked n laugh non stop. sat there like 2 hours. we were super cold but none say anything. and we continued talking n laugh laugh. took a grp photo b4 we left for home. great day wif everyone!!

for the next 2 weeks.. i cant rmb what i did. only stayed at home and went for trainings. training was fun esp with mas n ww. haha we crapped alot.. once, a hilarious incident happened during cca bazaar i think with val n vick ard. we were talking abt some stuffs and i fell off the chair once the thing was mentioned. the others laughed non stop. really non stop. haha but still ,we had a great time. whaha :)
kay, guess i gtg stop now. entry is getting long. think u wld be falling asleep by now. so sorry. too long nv update so now one shot bomb everything out. hee =)

thoughts

during this period of holiday at home, besides facing the mess of clearing up my study area, watching tv and sleep, some random thoughts came across my mind.
this year of 2008 has come and is going off so quickly, i cant believe how fast time has passed this year. looking back, i really think that i havent put in real effort for o's. i dont know what kind of results i'll be receiving in mid-jan but i hope it will be good. but my dad said, judging from my prelims results, it is very difficult to achieve good results.i've been constantly disappointing them since sec 3. i've never done well in my exams. how will i be able to get good results during o's? will i? hmm i guess i'll be satisfied enough if i could even land myself in SRJC or YJC. no high expectations from myself, just hope i will be able to do well. but i think i'll be a disappointment to my parents.
many a times, i kept asking myself, how in the world did i land myself in the the first few classes all this year? as i packed my things, looking at all the worksheets, tests i've done, i really dont know what is the problem in me. my results deteriorate from sec1 til sec 4. i felt very ashamed of myself, for unable to produce good and consistent results. what happened to me? why is that my mind cant remember things at all? why i cant do well in exams? i really have no idea how i get my psle results and no one actually believe that i got such results looking at the state i am in right now. yes it is shocking to everyone.
Am i really a failure in everything? in studies, communication, friendship, cca etc etc.

2 more days

2 more days to CI course. I'm scared. i dont know what lies ahead of me, what awaits me to take up the challenges that i've never challenged myself before. will i survive? 20 days. it's gona be a long long trip away from home. i'll miss everyone, no tv shows, no mum's cooking, no comfortable home and bed.
perhaps this is just a challenge God has given me to get out of my comfort zone, to find the real me in myself, to be more confident of myself? but still, i'm still afraid of the course, really. haiz no matter what i say now, i still have to face the reality in 2 days time. the thing that i scared most is scoldings from superiors. im afraid of scoldings and never like them. but after reading samantha's blog, i think it make sense that if we're so afraid, there will be no results, and we will be trapped all the time. Life arent a bed of roses, you try and fall and try again until the right one come along. i think that is the right attitude to face life. may god bless me in everything i do.