nostalgia

today is the first day of yj adventure camp for jc1s at bintan, indonesia. oh well, actually wanted to go but i dono what caught me that caused me not to go. i did regretted abit for not going because i had nv once missed a camp til today. also it was also because i'll keep thinking about it. haiz haiz. i wonder how my friends are doing there right now.
i dunno what's up with me these few days. i have become a very un-ethu person ever since i joined yjc. i keep having the 'sian' word at the tip of my mouth. i dunno why. but i dont seem to take everything that's in my hands with pride. i cant catch up with the lectures, my work and etc. [that's probably the reason why i dont want to go camp?] now, i find life so dull. i really miss my days in ytss with 4e7 and my good friends. the feeling of warmth is so comforting. even when you're with people from other classes whom you dont not know. we are just like one big family. but now in yj, i dont get the warmth. my friends are all separate into different classes. they had at least a good buddy that they know from ytss. for me, none except annapoorani whom i arent really close with. i feel so werid in class. that's no one in class that im close to with. well, at least i got yanni and jun ting in the same SG as me. there are nice girls in the class too. so i think it's still not bad. after school, i didnt even get the chance to see my other friends from other classes. all of them had their own stuffs to do.. cca etc. my cca havent start. my cca has only 3 girls and 10 boys. i hope the other 2 girls have not quit and leave me alone. none of my friends is in the same cca as me so im alone again, feeling lost cos i dont know where to go and all. so everyday after school, i'll go home alone cos i dont see any of my friends around. the only time i find joy is during breaks, when yanni and i will go find chia xing and philina if our timing meets. we'll eat lunch and talk and always laughing. i guess that's the only time u see me smile so broadly. i feel so good with them around, esp cx who never leave us out. thanks friend :) oh ya, a place where i can forget my troubles for a moment is when i'm back in ytss to serve. yes, i feel home. perhaps that's the reason why i keep going back despite my anger caused by the juniors? and the other instructors whom never leave me out. oh well, they always laugh at me for my stupid mistakes, which i kinda like it :) land when i'm with my cibtc bunkmates and when im with sam, ain, cx, yan zhen they all in sec 1 til now. they always laugh at me which i dont mind because i found them funny too. and i feel relaxed. OH! i missed them and those times. feeling nostalgic again :(

perhaps i should change my perspective of seeing the world.. but can i do it? i no longer find life as meaningful as before anymore.

YJC orientation

school starts on 2 feb this month. orientation was boring for me. only until the 3rd day it started to get better. some olympiad games and a kidnapper game by my sister's camp company:camp high achievers. cool uh. had amazing race the next day n finale+bbq on friday til 10pm+. overall was alright i guess. my class is CTG 111. a class of 15 boys and 10 girls. im so not used to having more boys than girls in the class. i still dont really like my class and i drag going to schools nowadays. im so lonely n bored sometimes..
i just had a fall out with a friend earlier today cos of some stuffs. i was actually forced to ask her if she wants to come along cos i got scolded by my father bcos of not asking her the other day. i know wad will happen which will results in unhappiness. i was reluctant at first but got scolded again blah blah blah, so asked lor. to at least make him happy? in the end, it spoils the friendship btw me n her. wth. it looks like im the person at fault again. its really difficult to be a good person/friend seriously.
i didnt want friendships problems to happen again in JCs but i still cant avoid it. perhaps i should have gone to other jcs where i dont see so much of the familiar faces? i missed my friends who's now in pjc. over the years, i've been doubting my friendships with ppl. it's hard for me to gain trust of others easily becos of wad happened in the past. im sad, im really sad.some friends look down on me becos of one thing or another, but i had to try to do away with it several times. its hard u know, when ur friends sometimes are too self-centred or never spare a thought for u. they pang-seh or left u out at times. it isnt a great feeling to know wad your group of friends will be doing when you know you arent included, is it? well, perhaps thats life i guess.
2 more years and i'll get out of that hell jc. its totally exactly like yishun town. i like ytss but not yjc. im so sick of it. school building n uniform sucks. CT n classmates are like...? schools ends late, which means you will be too tired to get down to work by the time u get home. time management again. my mind is full of studies and no cca at all. should i join ug club or table tennis or both? but i dont want to be tied down by ccas again. i learnt my lesson in secondary school already. but i heard that testimonial for admission into university is as important as well. haiz. what should i do with so many problems arising?
alright gtg now. there's school tmr again. i hate it. dread going to school. bye for now!

CNY 2009

chinese new year was ages ago but tey im updating at this moment only. today is the 15th day of cny which is also the last day. every year, i looked forward to cny celebration because i get to go back to my grandma's hse in malaysia(maternity side)! i love my grandma and my relatives n cousins!! as there is only 2 public holiday for us, my family decided to stay for one more day since school hasnt started for me n my younger sister's teacher said that it was okay to miss school on wednesday, but my sister went back on the 2nd day of cny because she had school the next day in nus. so she came back to spore with one of my cousin who live near us too as she had work the next day too. cny activities were almost the same for every year but i stll enjoy gng back every year. bcos i love to have many ppl ard during cny celebration. full of happy atmosphere(is there such description?) lol and alot of food to eat. wahahha. but too sad i didnt get to drink lots of cold drink bcos it didnt have the drink that i like. :( and at night, you get to see lots of fireworks and the sound of fire crackers could be heard. woots this year, sadly my cousins didnt manage to buy the better fire crackers so had some of the common ones. didnt play this year cos play many times b4 already. yup, was too engrossed in tv progs that i was too lazy to get my butt of the chair. haha. overall, cny was great, fun n relaxing! my cousins children were all damm cute! wah.. gotta need to wait for next year cny already.. til got a long way to go! haiz.. :(

updates on december and jan

i think my blog is really dead. no updates for 2 months. lol. well, dont have the habit of blogging actually. think i'll just briefly go thru the events i've been to during this 2 months.

DECEMBER:

1-20 dec: CIBTC (cadet inspector basic training course) at Home Team Academy(HTA). im in Squad ALPHA with gerald and other area 2 peeps as well as area 13 n area 16. great squad indeed! i'd lots of fun time with them. w/o them, esp zheng bao and yue ting, i dunno if i can survive that course. thanks alot girls! besides that, very fortunately, im in the same bunk and atc group-griffins! as the 2 of them. my bunk mates are made up of very funny, friendly and helpful girls. we were the noisiest bunk as compared to the rest. always got scolded by the instructors cos we were gossipping n laughing too loudly! haha i missed those times with them. :( 2 weeks of course at HTA and 4d3n of atc at p. ubin with my group cum girls bunk mates. i had a great time with them and my grp instructors tho im not physically fit esp during the land ex activity. but thanks to my girls, who helped me again. they carried my bag, pulled me along and cheered me along. thanks thanks alot girls! really appreciate it :) 20th dec was the day of our appointment as cadet inspector. under 6 months of probation. it was a significant and memorable day for us. all of us were so HIGH! yeah. took lots and lots and lots of photos! i missed my squad instructors, group instructors, squad mates and atc group mates!! ahh


27-29 dec: Sec 2 NCO camp at school. im the squad instructor of Bravo with wen wei. well, camp was alright. the sec 2s (2008) got alot of tekan from the yao hui n shi de sir cos they really very jialat. but guess they're quite okay after the camp. oh one great thing, jing lin and i were being addressed as SIR and you wei was addressed as MA'AM. until now, still got cadets call me SIR. gg lol. camp was super tiring for instructors as well cos first night, mas, jl and i only slept like 5-10 mins then was being awaken by ww for mass gathering. and then realised the sec 2s were being scolded badly by yh n sd. blah blah blah until 4 plus and slept for 1.5 hrs i guess? 1st day come n go. second day wasnt any better. we got scolded for... it came and go. 3rd day, i was so tired that i fell asleep on the table after i went to wake the boys up. thought the others would wake me up but they didnt. so nice of them :) went to cook breakfast.. blah blah blah and something funny happened... and finally it's time to break camp! woots

30th dec: appointment with ttsh ENT. went to see the doctor and realised that i didnt have to go back. so paiseh. went in not even abt 10 plus mins then come out alr. lol malu


JANUARY
5-6th jan: class chalet at aloha changi. not many turned up tho but its okay. we still had lots of fun.many didnt stay becos of work next day. but still appreciate the effort they made to come here all the way. those who stayed for the night, stay up to midnight, some didnt even sleep til early morning. i cldnt take it so i slept. was half asleep actually cos the girls were too noisy shouting n screaming while at the game of monopoly. hahaha. went for prata in the morning. actually wanted to stay for 3d2n but none of us dare to stay cos v. ulu. i left early wif baba n rh cos was called back to sch for a small np meeting.. blah blah

8th jan: went for Griffins outing! but only 6 turned up including one of our 3 instrucotrs. those who came were julitta, our cii, li jing, wen qi, yu tse, janielson n me. went ecp for cycling. yu tse pang seh us half way. cycled for 3 hours until the changi airport there. janielson said changi village very near only so we decided to cycle n cycle til he said i think its very far, lets turn back. lol. but well, i saw planes taking off n landing. cool cool. we had lots of jokes n laughter while cycling. bcos oh lj n J also. haha. cycled back then went for dinner at city hall. lj n J left so we went to meet zheng bao, melvin n pan shin. went to cafe cartel. went to the toilet and realised my butt bleed while cycling. haha no wonder i was so uncomfortable n in pain! so we ate n talked n laugh non stop. sat there like 2 hours. we were super cold but none say anything. and we continued talking n laugh laugh. took a grp photo b4 we left for home. great day wif everyone!!

for the next 2 weeks.. i cant rmb what i did. only stayed at home and went for trainings. training was fun esp with mas n ww. haha we crapped alot.. once, a hilarious incident happened during cca bazaar i think with val n vick ard. we were talking abt some stuffs and i fell off the chair once the thing was mentioned. the others laughed non stop. really non stop. haha but still ,we had a great time. whaha :)
kay, guess i gtg stop now. entry is getting long. think u wld be falling asleep by now. so sorry. too long nv update so now one shot bomb everything out. hee =)