nostalgia

today is the first day of yj adventure camp for jc1s at bintan, indonesia. oh well, actually wanted to go but i dono what caught me that caused me not to go. i did regretted abit for not going because i had nv once missed a camp til today. also it was also because i'll keep thinking about it. haiz haiz. i wonder how my friends are doing there right now.
i dunno what's up with me these few days. i have become a very un-ethu person ever since i joined yjc. i keep having the 'sian' word at the tip of my mouth. i dunno why. but i dont seem to take everything that's in my hands with pride. i cant catch up with the lectures, my work and etc. [that's probably the reason why i dont want to go camp?] now, i find life so dull. i really miss my days in ytss with 4e7 and my good friends. the feeling of warmth is so comforting. even when you're with people from other classes whom you dont not know. we are just like one big family. but now in yj, i dont get the warmth. my friends are all separate into different classes. they had at least a good buddy that they know from ytss. for me, none except annapoorani whom i arent really close with. i feel so werid in class. that's no one in class that im close to with. well, at least i got yanni and jun ting in the same SG as me. there are nice girls in the class too. so i think it's still not bad. after school, i didnt even get the chance to see my other friends from other classes. all of them had their own stuffs to do.. cca etc. my cca havent start. my cca has only 3 girls and 10 boys. i hope the other 2 girls have not quit and leave me alone. none of my friends is in the same cca as me so im alone again, feeling lost cos i dont know where to go and all. so everyday after school, i'll go home alone cos i dont see any of my friends around. the only time i find joy is during breaks, when yanni and i will go find chia xing and philina if our timing meets. we'll eat lunch and talk and always laughing. i guess that's the only time u see me smile so broadly. i feel so good with them around, esp cx who never leave us out. thanks friend :) oh ya, a place where i can forget my troubles for a moment is when i'm back in ytss to serve. yes, i feel home. perhaps that's the reason why i keep going back despite my anger caused by the juniors? and the other instructors whom never leave me out. oh well, they always laugh at me for my stupid mistakes, which i kinda like it :) land when i'm with my cibtc bunkmates and when im with sam, ain, cx, yan zhen they all in sec 1 til now. they always laugh at me which i dont mind because i found them funny too. and i feel relaxed. OH! i missed them and those times. feeling nostalgic again :(

perhaps i should change my perspective of seeing the world.. but can i do it? i no longer find life as meaningful as before anymore.