YJC orientation

school starts on 2 feb this month. orientation was boring for me. only until the 3rd day it started to get better. some olympiad games and a kidnapper game by my sister's camp company:camp high achievers. cool uh. had amazing race the next day n finale+bbq on friday til 10pm+. overall was alright i guess. my class is CTG 111. a class of 15 boys and 10 girls. im so not used to having more boys than girls in the class. i still dont really like my class and i drag going to schools nowadays. im so lonely n bored sometimes..
i just had a fall out with a friend earlier today cos of some stuffs. i was actually forced to ask her if she wants to come along cos i got scolded by my father bcos of not asking her the other day. i know wad will happen which will results in unhappiness. i was reluctant at first but got scolded again blah blah blah, so asked lor. to at least make him happy? in the end, it spoils the friendship btw me n her. wth. it looks like im the person at fault again. its really difficult to be a good person/friend seriously.
i didnt want friendships problems to happen again in JCs but i still cant avoid it. perhaps i should have gone to other jcs where i dont see so much of the familiar faces? i missed my friends who's now in pjc. over the years, i've been doubting my friendships with ppl. it's hard for me to gain trust of others easily becos of wad happened in the past. im sad, im really sad.some friends look down on me becos of one thing or another, but i had to try to do away with it several times. its hard u know, when ur friends sometimes are too self-centred or never spare a thought for u. they pang-seh or left u out at times. it isnt a great feeling to know wad your group of friends will be doing when you know you arent included, is it? well, perhaps thats life i guess.
2 more years and i'll get out of that hell jc. its totally exactly like yishun town. i like ytss but not yjc. im so sick of it. school building n uniform sucks. CT n classmates are like...? schools ends late, which means you will be too tired to get down to work by the time u get home. time management again. my mind is full of studies and no cca at all. should i join ug club or table tennis or both? but i dont want to be tied down by ccas again. i learnt my lesson in secondary school already. but i heard that testimonial for admission into university is as important as well. haiz. what should i do with so many problems arising?
alright gtg now. there's school tmr again. i hate it. dread going to school. bye for now!