emo.

today had yjc fun raising activity, known as CVD: celebrating values day.lame. anw my class 111 did clubbing hse. didnt have many ppl at first. i almost fell asleep, but towards the end more and more people came and we get rather busy! which is a good sign as we're earning money!! anw i was kinda bored the whole day cos nobody wanna buy ticket from me. my friends they all got friends to accompany them, while i just walk and see see around by myself. saw melissa h. selling things so went to accompany her. i didnt manage to sell any tickets and didnt buy for myself but in the end, i paid 10 bucks to my class for the eclair and also feel bad ah, been eating the sandwiches while preparing them for sale too. haha typical of me lah. hee.
saw HER today. went wif melissa nicole they all to go find HER but she didnt see me, only saw the 4/8 ppl. so went to talk to afrah instead. then not even 5 minutes i left them w/o even saying hi or bye to her. and she didnt realise too. im kinda sad but oh well, i need to let go.
then saw wen qi, my bunk cum cibtc grp mate, and talked to her for some time until she's gng to leave. and that's the time i went back to clubbing hse. sat, emo for a while then end the session, and cleaned up the place. actually having a class wif many boys is not that bad actually cos they can be of great help at times! great. and i left sch at 630 for home. emo emo on the way. and cos i just get back my 3rd maths reflection and i failed again. in total failed 3 maths reflection. sian la. it's counted for promo. i very scared i retain! how?

let's backtrack a little..
13/03: derrick called me in the morning and asked me to substitute him to be parade commander for friday cos he forgot to bring his tie. basket. i wasnt prepared and i was trembling quite badly. and so i went up and down and i did it. my friends said i did a great job but i hope i did becos they were all in the centre of the parade sq. and i wasnt sure if the ppl at the side could hear. so yeah. damm paiseh cos my voice cant reach very loud those kind. get back my econs reflection test, i just passed only while others are getting nearing to full marks. get back maths reflection 2 today. failed agn. until very badly. super bad. the teacher is like shooting me during lesson can. wth. basket

12/03: had yjc ug club meeting today. was so bored once again. i feel so lonely cos only like 4-5 girls in ug? my friend was talking to zy and so i was left alone. then sat beside derrick when meeting gng to start. didnt talk much. only laugh when the guys crack jokes. :/

then i think nothing much happens already.


* i hate the way you talk to me, the tone you used. i have been trying to get used to it but i cant. i cant! im enduring but you never know it bcos u didnt reflect upon ur actions for that day!
** we werent talking anymore. yes i know im such an irritant, keep irritating you with np stuffs and im sorry abt it. but smt i cant help it but to ask you becos i dunno who to ask already as others dont reply to msgs. ok i make a promise to myself not to ask u so many things.
*** im still doubting my friendships with friends. really. at points of time, i really wonder, do i have a true friend? or people are just taking advantage of me, just showing their good face to me while backstabbing behind my back. i really wonder. it saddens me to see all my other friends have companions with them all the time, waiting for them after school to go home together etc. this is so good. but me? im always going home alone, doing things alone. yes i know i tend to nag alot like an old lady, worry alot over trival matters and sometimes too paraniod, or too over, but that's me, my personality. i've always wanted to be a better person and trying to. but i cant seem to be able to please everyone. tell me, what's wrong with me? tell me.
****i havent been really enjoying school these few months, esp when lessons starts. i really cant catch up with any single subject. im seriously doomed. DOOMED! failing and failing my maths reflctions. how? im afraid of retaining but they all carries high weightage! oh dear. it sucks! Life sucks for me now. i wanna get out of yj asap.
***** everything is needing money now. im seriously brke. how? no one will understand how it feels when you want to save moeny but u have to spend it :(

everything is so UNFAIR! i hate life.