my worries

ytd i had np trainings. only my sec 1s were down with some of the sec 3s taking them. 7 instructors were down ytd. for those who dont know, im in-charge of sec 1s. during my nco days, i seldom scold people or should i say not even once? but ever since i came back, i slowly began to scold and shout at cadets. ytd the sec 1s had alot of scoldings from me esp and other instructors as well. i wondered.. am i too over , am i doing the right thing, will the scoldings ever get into the head of the sec 1s? the cadets last time were very much different compared to the cadets now adays. i prefer the standard way back last time. i tried to use the methods on this batch of sec 1s which our seniors used on us when we were sec 1s but to no avail. they dont get the meaning behind all those commands on them. i got so pissed off, i punished them, i shouted n scolded at them until my voice went off tune, hoarse and my throat hurts til now. nobody knows how much i want my sec 1s to be better, to be good, to be able to have the standards and level of enthusiasm that my squad used to have. although my squad was not as good as my seniors batch, at least we had that bit of standard. sometimes i really dont know what to do to them. i dont know why but they are the ones who are in my mind constantly besides my friends and studies. yes i worry for them, for their health, drills and everything. right now, i dont even know if i should quit my jc cca- air weapons and concentrate on npcc. the thought of not able to go back on fridays make me feel so sour, so weird. i dont like that kind of feeling. sometimes i really dont know what to do when i see the kind of attitude that they have, the standard and enthusiasm that they show. and the ncos and i/cs, not to say im very good or what but im sorry to say that i dont really like how they teach my sec 1s, how they conduct themselves in front of my sec 1s. but what can i do? say them also wont change, not happy. dont say them also cannot. haiz. the younger the generation, the more difficult to teach, to handle. anyone has any idea as to how to handle kids nowadays? im really out of ideas. sometimes i feel like giving up on them but i cant. i dont want them to be like some of the seniors, i dont want other ccas to look down on npcc, i dont want the unit to become lower of standards. they are my main concern for now . how what should i do?

i saw her yesterday. i dont like to see her. everytime i saw her, jealousiness overcame me. i feel so stressed. why is she always achieving awards, good results, getting into a good jc and everything? yes she finally attained the yt pinnacle award that she had always been fighting and dreaming for. she's now satisfied. but i dont understand why God has been so good to her.. for she always get what she wanted.